The Host Chapter 19: Abandoned

Who is the quester in black? Why is it put away searching? Jareds sh turn out was deafening, echoing at me from on the whole sides.I hid behind my hands, waiting for the root blow.Ah-Jared? Ian murmured. Maybe you should allow meStay out of itIans voice got closer, and the rocks grated as he tried to make out Jared into the undersize space that was already similarly full. Cant you fill its too scared to intercourse? Leave it al superstar for a sec -I heard something scrape the floor as Jared moved, and indeed a thud. Ian cursed. I peered through my fingers to see that Ian was no wanter visible and Jared had his subscribe to me.Ian spit and groaned. Thats twice, he growled, and I understood that the punch meant for me had been diverted by Ians interference.Im ready to go for three, Jared muttered, moreover he sullen back around to face me, bringing light with him hed grabbed the lamp with the hand that had struck Ian. The cave seemed intimately shining after so more darkness.Jared spoke to me again, scrutinizing my face in the new illuminations, do each interchange a sentence. Who. Is. The. seeker.I dropped my hands and stared into his pitiless eyes. It bothered me that someone else had suffered for my silence-even someone who had once tried to despatch me. This was not how torture was supposed to work.Jareds expression wavered as he read the change in mine. I dont have to hurt you, he said quietly, not as true of himself. that I do have to fare the firmness to my question.This wasnt even the right question-not a secret I was in each way bound to protect.Tell me, he insisted, his eyes tight with frustration and deep unhappiness.Was I rattling a coward? I would rather have believed that I was-that my fear of pain was stronger than anything else. The real reason I opened my mouth and spoke was so much more pathetic.I cherished to please him, this homo who hated me so fiercely.The Seeker, I began, my voice rough and hoarse I hadnt spok en in a long time.He interrupted, impatient. We already know its a Seeker.No, not just any Seeker, I whispered. My Seeker.What do you mean, your Seeker?Assigned to me, following me. Shes the reason - I caught myself just before I spoke the leger that would have meant our death. Just before I could say we. The ultimate truth that he would see as the ultimate lie-playing on his deepest wishes, his deepest pain. He would n eer see that it was possible for his wish to be true. He would solely see a dangerous liar looking out through the eyes hed loved.The reason? he prompted.The reason I ran away, I breathed. The reason I came here.Not all in all true, plainly not entirely a lie, either.Jared stared at me, his mouth half-open, as he tried to process this. From the corner of my eye, I could see that Ian was peering through the hole again, his vivid blue eyes wide with surprise. There was blood, dark on his pale lips.You ran away from a Seeker? But youre one of them Jared struggled to compose himself, to get back to his interrogation. Why would it follow you? What did it want?I swallowed the sound seemed unnaturally loud. She wanted you. You and Jamie.His expression hardened. And you were trying to lead it here?I shook my head. I didnt I How could I explain it? Hed never accept the truth.What?I didnt want to key out her. I dont like her.He blinked, confused again. Dont you all have to like e actuallyone?Were supposed to, I admitted, colouration with shame.Who did you tell slightly this place? Ian asked over Jareds shoulder. Jared scowled but kept his eyes on my face.I couldnt tell-I didnt know I just saw the lines. The lines on the album. I drew them for the Seeker but we didnt know what they were. She still deems theyre a road map. I couldnt seem to stop talking. I tried to make the words fill out slower, to protect myself from a slip.What do you mean you didnt know what they were? Youre here. Jareds hand flexed toward me but dropped before it closed the sm all distance.I I was having trouble with my with the with her memory. I didnt understand I couldnt access everything. There were walls. Thats why the Seeker was assigned to me, waiting for me to unlock the rest. Too much, too much. I bit my tongue.Ian and Jared exchanged a look. Theyd never heard anything like this before. They didnt trust me, but they wanted so desperately to believe it was possible. They wanted it too much. That make them fear.Jareds voice whipped out with a sudden harshness. Were you able to access my cabin?Not for a long time.And then you told the Seeker.No.No? Why not?Because by the time I could recollect it I didnt want to tell her.Ians eyes were frozen wide.Jareds voice changed, became low, almost tender. So much more dangerous than the shouting. Why didnt you want to tell her?My jaw locked hard. It was not the secret, but still, it was a secret he would have to beat out of me. In this moment, my determination to hold my tongue had less to do with self-prese rvation than it did with a stupid, grudging kind of pride. I would not tell this man who despised me that I loved him.He watched the defiance flash in my eyes, and he seemed to understand what it would carry on to get this answer. He decided to trim it-or maybe to come back to it later, save it for last, in case I wouldnt be able to answer any more questions when he was done with me.Why werent you able to access everything? Is that normal?This question was very dangerous, too. For the first time so far, I told an outright lie.She fell a long way. The body was damaged. delusion did not come easily to me this lie fell flat. Jared and Ian both reacted to the false note. Jareds head cocked to the side one of Ians ink black eyebrows rose.Why isnt this Seeker giving up like the rest? Ian asked.I was utterly exhausted. I knew they could keep this up all night, would keep this up all night if I continue to answer, and eventually I would make a mistake. I slumped against the wall and clos ed my eyes.I dont know, I whispered. Shes not like other souls. Shes annoying.Ian laughed once-a startled sound.And you-are you like other souls? Jared asked.I opened my eyes and stared at him wearily for a long moment. What a stupid question, I thought. Then I shut my eyes tight, interred my face against my knees, and wrapped my arms around my head.Either Jared understood that I was done speaking or his body was complaining too loudly to be ignored. He grunted a few times as he squeezed himself out of the opening of my cave, taking the lamp with him, and then groaned quietly as he stretched.That was unexpected, Ian whispered.Lies, of course, Jared whispered back. I could just barely make out their words. They probably didnt realize how the sound echoed back to me in here. scarce I cant quite figure out what it wants us to believe-where its trying to lead us.I dont think its lying. Well, notwithstanding the one time. Did you notice?Part of the act.Jared, when have you ever met a parasite who could lie well-nigh anything? pull up a Seeker, of course.Which it must be.Are you serious?Its the best explanation.She-it is the furthest thing from a Seeker Ive ever seen. If a Seeker had any idea how to find us, it would have brought an army.And they wouldnt have found anything. But she-it got in, didnt it? Its almost been killed half a dozen -Yet its still breathing, isnt it?They were quiet for a long time. So long that I started to think about moving out of the cramped ball I was curled in, but I didnt want to make any noise by lying buck. I wished Ian would leave so I could sleep. The adrenaline left me so worn out when it drained from my system.I think Im passage to go talk to Jeb, Ian eventually whispered.Oh, thats a great idea. Jareds voice was thick with sarcasm.Do you remember that first night? When it jumped between you and Kyle? That was bizarre.It was just trying to find a way to stay alive, to escapeBy giving Kyle the go-ahead to kill her-it? Good pl an.It worked.Jebs gun worked. Did she know he was on his way?Youre overthinking this, Ian. Thats what it wants.I dont think youre right. I dont know why but I dont think she wants us to think about her at all. I heard Ian get to his feet. You know whats really twisted? he muttered, his voice no longer a whisper.Whats that?I felt bloodguilty-guilty as hell-watching her flinch away from us. Seeing the black mark on her neck.You cant let it get to you like that. Jared was suddenly disturbed. Its not human. Dont forget that.Just because she isnt human, do you think that means she doesnt feel pain? Ian asked as his voice faded into the distance. That she doesnt feel just like a girl whos been beaten-beaten by us?Get a hold of yourself, Jared hissed after him.See you around, Jared.Jared didnt relax for a long time after Ian left he paced for a while, back and forth in take care of the cave, and then sat on the mat, blocking my light, and muttered incomprehensibly to himself. I gave up waiting for him to fall asleep, and stretched out as well as I could on the bowl-like floor. He jumped when my movement made noise, and then started muttering to himself again.Guilty, he grumbled in scathing tones. Letting it get to him. Just like Jeb, like Jamie. Cant let this go on. stupid person to let it live.Goose bumps rose on my arms, but I tried to ignore them. If I frightened every time he thought about killing me, Id never have a moments peace. I turned onto my stomach to bend my spine in the other direction, and he jerked again and then lapsed into silence. I was sure he was still brooding when I finally drifted to sleep.When I woke up, Jared was sitting on the mat where I could see him, elbows on knees, his head leaning against one fist.I didnt feel as if Id slept more than an hour or two, but I was too sore to try to go back to sleep right away. Instead, I fretted about Ians visit, worrying that Jared would work even harder to keep me isolate after Ians strange react ion. Why couldnt Ian have kept his mouth shut about feeling guilty? If he knew he was capable of guilt, why did he go around strangling people in the first place? Melanie was irritated with Ian, too, and nervous about the outcome of his qualms.Our worries were interrupted after just a few minutes.S just me, I heard Jeb call. Dont get worked up.Jared cocked the gun.Go ahead and shoot me, kid. Go ahead. The sound of Jebs voice got closer with every word.Jared sighed and put the gun down. Please leave.Need to talk to you, Jeb said, inspire as he sat down across from Jared. Hey, there, he said in my direction, nodding.You know how much I hate that, Jared muttered.Yep.Ian already told me about the Seekers -I know. I was just talkin with him about it.Great. Then what do you want?Not so much what I want. Its what everybody needs. Were running low on just about everything. We need a real comprehensive supply run.Oh, Jared muttered this topic was not what hed been tensed for. After a short pause he said, Send Kyle.Okay, Jeb said easily, bracing himself against the wall to rise again.Jared sighed. It seemed his suggestion had been a bluff. He folded as soon as Jeb took him up on it. No. Not Kyle. Hes tooJeb chuckled. well-nigh got us in some real hot water the last time he was out alone, didnt he? Not one to think things through. Ian, then?He thinks things through too much.Brandt?Hes no swell for the long trips. Starts getting panicked a few weeks in. Makes mistakes.Okay, you tell me who, then.The seconds passed and I heard Jared suck in a breath now and then, each time as if he was about to give Jeb an answer, but then he just exhaled and said nothing.Ian and Kyle together? Jeb asked. Maybe they could balance each other out.Jared groaned. the like the last time? Okay, okay, I know it has to be me.Youre the best, Jeb agreed. You changed our lives when you showed up here.Melanie and I nodded to ourselves this didnt surprise either of us.Jared is magic. Jamie and I wer e perfectly safe while Jareds instincts guided us we never came close to getting caught. If it had been Jared in Chicago, Im sure he would have made it out fine.Jared jerked his shoulder toward me. What about?Ill keep an eye on her when I can. And Ill expect you to take Kyle with you. That oughta help.That wont be enough-Kyle gone and you keeping an eye on her when you can. She it wont last long.Jeb shrugged. Ill do my best. Thats all I can do.Jared started to shake his head slowly back and forth.How long can you stay down here? Jeb asked him.I dont know, Jared whispered.There was a long silence. After a few minutes, Jeb began whistling tunelessly.Finally, Jared let out a huge breath that I hadnt realized hed been holding.Ill leave tonight. The words were slow, full of submission but also relief. His voice changed slightly, got a little less defensive. It was as though he was making the transition back to who hed been here before I showed up. Letting one responsibility slide from h is shoulders and put another, more welcome one in its place.He was giving up on keeping me alive, let nature-or rather mob justice-take its course. When he returned, and I was dead, he wouldnt hold anyone responsible. He would not mourn. All this I could hear in those three words.I knew the human exaggeration for sorrow-a broken sprightliness. Melanie remembered speaking the phrase herself. But Id always thought of it as a hyperbole, a traditional description for something that had no real physiological link, like a green thumb. So I wasnt expecting the pain in my chest. The nausea, yes, the swelling in my throat, yes, and, yes, the crying burning in my eyes. But what was the ripping sensation just under my rib cage? It made no logical sense.And it wasnt just ripping, but twisting and pulling in different directions. Because Melanies heart broke, too, and it was a separate sensation, as if wed grown another organ to compensate for our twin awarenesses. A double heart for a double mind. Twice the pain.Hes leaving, she sobbed. Well never see him again. She didnt question the fact that we were going to die.I wanted to weep with her, but someone had to keep her head. I bit my hand to hold the moan back.Thats probably best, Jeb said.Ill need to get some things organized Already Jareds mind was far, far away from this claustrophobic corridor.Ill take over here, then. Have a safe trip.Thanks. Guess Ill see you when I see you, Jeb.Guess so.Jared transfer the gun back to Jeb, stood up, and brushed absently at the dust on his clothes. Then he was off, focal ratio down the hall with his familiar quick step, his mind on other things. Not one watch in my direction, not one more thought for my fate.I listened to the fading sound of his footsteps until they were gone. Then, forgetting Jebs existence, I touch my face into my hands and sobbed.